When you think "cool," the first thing that probably comes to mind is forcing women who are seeking to terminate a pregnancy to undergo a procedure where the "ultrasound technician point[s] out a fetus' visible organs and external features to the woman before she has an abortion."
No? Not so much?
As super-duper awesome as mandatory ultrasounds seem -- right up there with sipping mimosas and taking a beach vacay with your girl friends -- there are at least a few things that are "cooler." Here are 77 of them:
- Giving yourself a breast self-exam
- Getting 10 messages in a row on OKCupid that just say "Hey"
- Cleaning red wine off your white couch
- All-white Emojis
- Backlit selfies
- Renting a car
- Cleaning the crumbs out of the bottom of your purse
- Pinning crap on Pinterest titled "15 Minutes To A Better Body: Tracy Anderson's Fast Fat Blaster"
- Taking your kid to the dentist
- Cleaning out the cat's litter box
- Sweeping spaghetti off the floor
- Cleaning out your junk drawer
- Facebook stalking your ex
- TurboTax
- Plunging a toilet
- Flossing
- Dusting
- Sorting through bank statements
- Sunday errands
- Grocery shopping
- Trying to get everything from your iPhone on the cloud
- Cleaning your bathtub
- Waiting for your nail polish to dry
- Bathing suit shopping
- The peeling phase of a sunburn
- Getting in a Twitter fight
- Pat-drying tofu
- Googling "Michael Fassbender girlfriend?" and then getting sad
- Hiding engagement photos from your Facebook feed
- Ultra-ribbed condoms
- Colonoscopies
- Dick pics on Snapchat
- FaceTiming with bad wifi
- Wondering what Pam spray actually is
- Waiting for your bag to come off the carousel at the airport
- Giving your dog a bath
- Giving your cat a bath
- Cleaning out the rotten food from your fridge
- Cleaning crud from earring backs
- Folding laundry
- Sitting in traffic
- Changing a flat tire
- Feeding squirrels when you are secretly afraid of them
- Feeding pigeons when you are secretly afraid of them
- Having your eyes dilated at the eye doctor
- Stepping in gum
- The sound of two pieces of polystyrene rubbing together
- The smell of burning hair
- Attending an amateur ska band's concert
- Spending half a day trying to figure out which smoke detector is beeping
- Getting the hiccups on a first date
- Transferring all your contacts from your old phone to your new one
- Attending a barre class
- Going to IKEA when it's extremely crowded
- Transporting your IKEA purchases on the subway
- IKEA in general
- The "cannot take photo" iPhone alert
- Accidentally walking into a mosh pit
- Realizing Joey Fatone hosted a celebrity cook-off show
- Sleeping on a plane
- Eating plane food
- Picking up your dog's poop
- Having a rock in your shoe
- Eating a stick of butter
- Realizing you accidentally bought peanut M&Ms instead of regular M&Ms
- Tripping in heels
- Realizing you're not Beyoncé
- Stubbing your toe
- Putting aloe on a sunburn
- Falling off the elliptical at the gym
- Saying "hi" to someone who doesn't hear you
- Running into an acquaintance from high school
- Getting sick on vacation
- Forgetting your iPod/iPhone when you go to the gym
- Manspreading
- Waving back to someone without realizing they're waving to someone behind you
- Getting a cavity filled
And there you have it, Scotty.
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